Lost in thoughts....

Taken on a clear day...only cloud in the sky.

Typically, I usually ride my bike to meet clients at a property. That way I can go door to door, instead of searching for parking. Today we were looking at a fixer. After spending some time there we parted and I said I'd get some more details for her.

I was just across the street from the marina where my late husband had his office so I invited myself to bike around the place. Carl had two separate offices at the marina. He first rented a small concrete block-walled, double decker 'manager of the marina' office. It served as the controller for the marina. It was placed so the view was high, looking out to the shipways (marina) where the ships were docking, getting repaired, and departing.

His second office was on the ground floor, set on a deck, with gangplanks leading to the docks. It was a piece of heaven on earth. There was parking just outside the building and all kinds of boat workers/clients/wannabees stopped by with questions about various projects they were working on. He gave his measured point of view freely. He loved it all, and all of them.

I didn't see anybody that I knew (nor did I expect to) and I was left alone with my trusty bike on which I had just replaced the brakes, pedals (best for my flip-flops), and a new seat, the day before. A perfect place to ride on an even more perfect day. After doing a tour of the Alameda Marina (and how many Alamedans have seen it? not so many these days...) I headed home.

As my view started shrinking from the estuary to houses along the street, I lost myself in my thoughts. What would have happened if Carl and I didn't meet? Where would I be living? What would I be doing?

I put my bike in the backyard. I sat on the steps leading into the spa room. I started watching something larger than an ant but smaller than a ....I just don't know bugs, but it was small.

What if? That's not a game I would encourage anybody to play. But I did. I started thinking about the bug on the rough concrete. Did it know I was there? Was it afraid of me? Then I starting thinking that we as humans think we know so much. We are just fooling ourselves about how much we actually know. Who made me the boss of you, bug?

What if there was something above me, looking down on me, in the same perspective as I was looking at the bug. Would 'something' squash me? Would 'something' even know I was there? What gave me the right to squash a bug? Who put me in charge of the squashing department? Would I see a big foot-shadow coming down on me?

Then my phone rang. I have no problem not answering a call..but I knew Lenny so I said, "Hey there." He asked what I was doing, told him about my showing a house, then riding my bike back home, and watching the bug. Then I launched into my theory about what if I'm only the size of a bug and God or something big like a god, is looking down on me, and blah blah blah. "You asked, and I told."  He must have thought I was nuts.

As I write this I'm crying. Gosh, you'd just think I could get the tears out, without the drama. But I guess I needed the release.

Beautiful day. Live richly, marilyn


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